Secret Life Of Lighters Or, How Lighters Give Birth

By Urban Cummings

Because lighter collectors love their hobby so much, the lighters have learned how to multiply. But they only do it if you are not watching. Lighters need a dark, out of the way place to give birth. Somewhere you rarely ever look.

How do I know this? Because when I finally go back to where I put some lighters quite some time ago, I find ones that I can't remember having. They are like new to me. It's happened more than once. I'll be looking through my stash for a particular lighter I want and lo & behold there is a lighter which for all intents and purposes was just born. Right there in the box. While the lid was closed and remained out of sight and out of mind. That's it! When you don't think about them, they know it's time to start the process of lighter sex. But that's a whole 'nuther story.

O.K. so they multiply. But what is the gestation period? As long a time as elephants? As short as flies? What about other important details. Can a Ronson & Dunhill get together and give birth to an Evans? Being somewhat absent-minded and with so many lighters in the care of an older person such as myself, these lighters see an opportunity to try to fool me into thinking that I had forgotten that I had this or that particular one. But I know better. They can't outfox me. They fool around like that while I'm not looking and I can prove it. My lighter collection has tripled in the last 8 or 10 years. How else could that have happened?

I've got them outfoxed now. I'm going to look in those boxes more often and put a stop to this. Maybe even trot them out once in a while. Put them on display so I can watch them. That'll do it, I know. Birth control for my collection. It may work for yours too.

Happy lighter watching, from Urban